Truth Matters – Narcissism and Scapegoating in Society

todaySeptember 5, 2022 365

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Truth Matters

Narcissism and scapegoating in dysfunctional families and society - being the cycle breakers

There’s nothing more important than truth for me, it’s what keeps me sane and able to sleep at nights…

Lies ruin lives, you only have to watch a soap opera, to see how these lies create drama, if everyone in these TV programs was being truthful, loving, caring, and morally decent towards each other, there would be no “drama’ to watch.

Soap screenwriters are experts in the dynamics of relationships, how one wrong deed leads to another, that this then effects someone else, often an innocent party, the scapegoat, and then impacts their life in varying degrees, as played out in each episode. There’s always the ‘ultimate villain’ character, and these days that villain is quite often a full-blown, evil and twisted murderer!

I’ve lost count of the number of times in I’ve felt like I’m in a real-life episode of Hollyoaks. I’ve said ‘welcome to my soap opera life’ too many times while recounting my true-life stories. I haven’t actually watched Eastenders since Dirty Den and Angie left, but I was brought up on a strict weekly diet of American soaps; Dallas, Dynasty, and Knots Landing thrown in for good measure. My Mum loved them, and so did i, but in my adult life, the only ones that hooked me in were Brookside, and then, the oh so glamourous Hollyoaks.

But just over two years ago I stopped watching any dramas. I literally threw the TV out, and stopped watching it at all.  As lock-down hit, my life became, what still feels like a full-blown movie, with a few sequels.  A true-life blockbuster that you just could not make up, it’s surreal, but is, in actual fact, reality, it’s very, very real for me.  it’s been intense, graphic, it has all kinds of real-life characters, so many twists and turns.  It will scare the living daylights out of you, make you laugh, and cry buckets like it has me, it has taken me on an emotional journey of truth and discovery, from life to death. Where it will end, I do not know, it’s not over yet for me.  I’ve been watching it unfold while unwittingly been given one of the starring roles, the ‘lived happily ever after’ is what I’m always pushing for.

Sounds mad doesn’t it, it is. I’m not sensationalising it, there’s no need. I wish it wasn’t so tragic, but when dealing with matters of the heart and mind, everything comes into play.

Staying strong in this last two years has not been easy, for me or any of us.  this world is like walking a tight rope of madness. Dysfunction is the norm and narcissism is at an all-time high.  since the pandemic hit, our society has changed dramatically.

Lock-down incubated domestic problems in many family lives, domestic abuse crisis calls went up 61%.  81% of callers described being controlled by the person they were living with, or had recently lived with, 58% had been subjected to physical abuse, 24% were being stalked or harassed, and 40% were subjected to economic abuse.

72% of the calls were women. It is no secret that in intimate relationships, more often it is the man who wields the control over a woman. It is that ‘abuse of power;’ ultimately the abuse of their love for them, that amounts to domestic abuse and calls/cries for help.

This is the stereotype, but it is not always the case.  28% of those calls were from men. Whoever the woman is in their life is that is abusing them, trying to control them, manipulating their love for them, it is a dynamic that is equally if not more difficult to deal with, with male pride being knocked in the process. Often the pawn in that toxic relationship power struggle, is an innocent child, the witness to it all.

The Depp vs Heard trial was a huge demonstration to the world.  It showed how, even when you’re one of the biggest movie stars in the universe, desired and loved by millions, your world can come crashing down around you, from the actions, lies and deceit of one woman in your life. In court, Johnny showed his vulnerable side for the world to see.  With no shame, he stood up for his name, for himself and his legacy, he stood up for truth, and above all else, he gave every man whose ever been abused as a child or as an adult, by the women in their life, someone to resonate with and inspire them to stand strong and speak out about their deepest emotions and feelings.

Who wears the trousers in your family? It’s a quip that people joke about.  In this day and age, we all wear the trousers, don’t we?  In my house, we both wear them, equally and harmoniously, safe and secure in our trust and love in each other.

Anyone that tries to control your thoughts, feelings, actions, and just uses you with no thought or consideration for your feelings, well that’s just selfish, its toxic behaviour, and that’s where abuse begins.

Most of us these days come from dysfunctional families, this leads to a chronically dysfunctional society, how dysfunctional is it for each of us individually is much to do with where you were born, and most significantly to who, and the choices that we make as adults.

How the dysfunction in families demonstrates itself in ‘drama’ varies widely.  There are so many complex different ‘issues’ in families, to some people just the word ‘family’ is loaded and triggering. As one of my female idols Marilyn Monroe once sang “When love goes wrong, nothing goes right”.  Love is what families are supposed to share, but whether it be divorce, separation, addiction, unresolved skeletons in the closet, or any of the many circumstances that lead to problems, when love is involved, it boils down to matters of the heart, and these are, undoubtedly the most difficult ones to deal with, mentally and physically, in our lives.

Opening up to the feelings and emotions which turbulence in our family dynamics causes is not easy, the root issues need to be addressed, identified, accepted and dealt with for anyone to move on and move forward. Those unable to face up to the reality of the problems, will deflect, project, shame and blame others for their actions, as they don’t want to feel the pain that dealing with those issues causes, and can’t handle holding themselves accountable for their actions and choices they make.

Intention and accountability are everything for me, there is no truth without it

“You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality”

Narcissism is born from this dysfunction.  when love and care is not naturally shown we grow up in a ‘everyone’s out for themselves’ survival state of mind. We all have a bit of narcissism in us it’s our survival mode and super important if in check, it’s our ‘if you’re going to kill me then I’ll fight for my life and kill you first basic instinct’ which should definitely not to be mistaken with healthy self-love.  Really, in 2022, we shouldn’t need to be in this fight or flight mode, we’ve evolved from cavemen haven’t we? hopefully nobody is out to kill us, but our coping strategy is a nobody really cares about me so fuck ‘em all’ kicks in.  That’s a horrible place to be in mentally, it’s understandable, but it makes people cold, uncaring, and removed from their true self, as all of us are human, and being human makes us all compassionate and kind by nature, its peoples destructive ‘coping mechanisms’ that override their true human nature. 

Living in reality, however bad the truth might be is a world better than living a lie, if you’re not dealing with the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, you will never have peace of mind, there may be pain involved in dealing with problems, but that’s also a necessary part of the yin and yang of life, live it, warts and all, “stay true, stay sane” that’s my mantra.

Free speech is paramount to our existence, and we all matter, truth matters, and those that refuse to conduct themselves in an open transparent manner, that won’t talk and gaslight and attack at every opportunity, show themselves to be the ones hiding in the shadows.

Shine the light of love and truth for all to see, however hard it might be

Truth always outs in the end; all the good old elder souls tell me so.

One love xx

Written by: SachaIstreem

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