It did at the time very much look like Tim was spending a lot of our mother’s money, I discovered that he had solo Lasting power of Attorney and was the only one with authority to use her cards and able to draw money out of her bank. There were also numerous parcels turning up the house from Amazon, including one day while he was in hospital, a full size drum kit arrived. She was also letting him use her bankcards while he was in hospital to order takeaways, it was all very strange and worrying.
I called a family meeting and I attempted to address these issues, everything we needed to get into place for our mother’s welfare, and what Tim would do when he was released from hospital. My elder siblings then all tried to say that it was my wife that was the problem, that she was Tim’s “trigger” and that she was no longer welcome at the house or in the family!
When I asked them why they thought my 5ft2, petite wife was a trigger they said “She has scary eyes” and that she was staring at our mother through the window when we were locked out.
My wife’s eyes were scared, but not scary, she had never ever been anything but super caring to my family, she’s made me a better man, this was incredulous to hear from them, my fear escalated.
Then, the next night Tim text me from hospital, the first time he’d made contact since going in. The texts started at 2am and went through the early hours of the morning till 7am.
This was the first one of those texts.
I was extremely afraid, this was so totally out of character for my brother, we had hardly ever raised our voice to each other in our lives, never fought, let alone made this kind of threat. His aggression towards my wife was seriously frightening at this point, I did not sleep that night through fear.
The next morning my wife rang the hospital to inform them about the psychotic messages, they said there was not anything they could do about it, that we should either just block him or call the police, then put the phone down on us.
This was one of the first of many, major failings by the Sussex Mental Health services, they never even recorded this phone call. If they had spoken with me, they would have known how close we were, that I was the one who raised the alarm, I knew the reality of how out of character Tim actually was, and that it was me that he had wanted to help him get help.
Instead, this was totally ignored by the hospital, they failed to inform his psychiatrist, who, the next day after only seeing him twice, for less than one hour, diagnosed him as being bi-polar.
I had no information shared with me about Tim’s care or likely release date from anyone, I’d been totally shut out. I was really scared, I knew this behaviour was completely out of character, and was very aware of how dangerous things could become, I was left with no other option but to report it to the police.
When the police called me back, they said they would come and take a statement. I asked them to come to my mother’s address to do this, as I wanted them to be aware of the danger that I felt she was in at the time.
The officer who attended that day was PC Dan Gayle, he seemed nice and appeared to have some grasp that my mother’s situation was not safe, this was after being shown around the house and shown the devil room.
He asked us if we wanted to press charges against Tim, I did not want to and was not sure that would be a resolution to the problem, I was scared it could make things worse. My wife did not want to discuss it in front of my mother, so we asked that we be given some time to think about this.
In the meantime that week I had been in regular contact with my mother’s GP, I had also arranged for him to come to the house, even though we were in lockdown, as I was so concerned about my mother’s health as she was continuous shaking in front of me and saying she could not eat anything but a banana. I also wanted to highlight her living conditions, and my concern for the impact of what was happening with Tim would be having on her.
He came and sat with my mother, went through her medication, and asked her what was causing her to shake. First she said it was anxiety, when asked what from, her face changed, she turned, pointed at me and snarled “It’s all because of him” The doctor and I were both shocked by this, I could see it on his face.
The doctor said he was very concerned, especially about her heart with her being 82, so he suggested that she come into the practice to have a heart monitor reading. He asked if she would be happy for me to take her, and she said yes, as if she had completely forgotten about what she had just said about me before. She also gave the doctor a signed letter giving me full authorisation to discuss her medical needs with him.
It was all so strange and confusing for me, at this point I still believed my mother loved me, they are supposed to right? I thought she knew that all I wanted was the best for them both, I could not have been more wrong, her manipulation on us all I now know runs so deep.
I took her to the doctor’s surgery the next day, as we walked in she almost collapsed and I had to literally carry her in, I was so scared we were about to lose her. This is something I know now was all just an act.
When they did the heart monitor, they said “Everything looks fine, we just want to arrange a hospital appointment for you next week to be sure” to which my mother agreed.
That same day Tim was let out of hospital on day release, he came to my mother’s while we were out at the doctors and took some of his possessions and his dog Charlie. He left a note to mother saying not to worry about him, that he would bring the dog back later, also a note for me saying he that he loved me, but that he had to be selfish.
Tim was released from hospital at the start of June 2020, into the ‘care in the community’ Initially away from our mother in a rented flat at the end of her road. When he was living there, he says in his notes that he felt better, more in control of his life and even thinking about returning to work and travelling again.
He still did not want to talk to, or see me though, why you ask if he was feeling better? That’s what I was asking too?
I now know that my mother and siblings had been telling him that I wanted to make him unwell, that I wanted him away from our mother and that I wanted him sectioned. They were telling him that my wife and I wanted him out because we wanted to move in with her and wanted her money! All pure unadulterated lies and gaslighting, that are documented in his notes.
This is the bottom line, my mother wanted him to stay at home with her, not to have his own life.
My other siblings just wanted us both out of the way, for inheritance and pure jealousy reasons mainly.
None of them wanted us to talk to each other again, because none of them wanted the truth to come out, when you live a lie like they do you will do literally anything to protect it.
The day Tim was released, my authorisation to speak to her doctors about her medical needs was revoked. I was calling them to find out about the rules of taking her to hospital for her heart appointment.
I was only permitted to go to my mums after Tim’s release if I called first, to make sure he was not there. I kept telling my mother that I just wanted to speak to my brother, but her and the elder siblings kept telling me I was not allowed, that I was the “trigger” and so was my wife.
Then in one phone call my mum agreed that me and Tim should speak, we arranged a time for me to go over, but when I arrived he was not there. I found out later he had gone to my sisters, whether he had been told, or realised I was coming over to talk to him I do not know.
After a while I had had enough, I just wanted to see what was going on with my mum! I drove over with my wife and went in while my wife stayed outside. I had my own front door key, my mum was in her bedroom, as soon as she saw me she started to shake, she said “Tim will be home soon, you have to go” she said “Sacha can’t be near the house” I tried to talk calmly and softly to her, I asked her “Why is this happening mum? Why can’t I come and see you” she said, “It’s because of the family, it’s all changed now”
She was not wrong, in the space of three months my life had been turned upside down, the whole family had. I had gone from seeing my mum 2 to 3 times a week, me and Tim and my foster brother Ross helping, supporting her for the last 20 years, and never seeing or even knowing my other siblings, to me being shut out by them from the family home, told myself and my wife were not welcome and that I had to stay away because we were the problem and upset mum and Tim, the person who I was closest too in the whole world till then, he’d never even liked my siblings before, this was pure madness.
I was only with my mother for a few moments, it was the last time I ever got to sit with her alone, this was in June 2020.
As we left her house that day, Tim pulled into the road, we were at the end at the shops, I thought this was my only chance to speak to him, so I walked out into the road and flagged him down, he stopped, I said “I just want to talk to you bro, please pull over” he shouted out of his window “you put me in hospital, you need to stay away!” he looked angry and volatile but also scared, my wife was out of the car at this point and walked over, Tim started shouting at her and was saying “especially you! Just leave me alone” he revved his engine and drove towards my wife, she got out of the way.
By this point there were cars backed up the road to the junction, Tim sped off towards my mother house, I was again in total shock and frightened of what would happen next, a nurse passer-by told me to call the police.
We walked down the road towards my mothers and as we got to the house, we could hear Tim shouting; I was on the phone to the police the whole time and was recording the incident on video.
The door was locked, I could see my mum in her bedroom but could not see Tim, I could just hear him shouting.
Next thing my sister turns up, with her husband, this was the first time he had shown his face in anyway over the last few weeks while the family was in crisis.
My sister started to shout at us, fully aggressive, saying that we were the problem and to just go away, she called my wife demented and told me that I had no right to be there. I shit you not.
The police turned up, we waited outside in the car, they eventually came out, said they did not feel anyone was in immediate danger, as my sister was there with my mother, so we should go home.
That was the last time i set eyes on my brother Tim…
Post comments (0)