As an ambassador #forthemusic standing up against abuse is important to me. I am a believer in truth and justice and holding people to account for their actions.
The Police are failing to protect women and men, from violence and domestic abuse situations. allowing them to then continue to escalate.
This is my full and honest account of a serious assault on me last year.
I originally wrote this on 30.12.20. I wanted to leave it in 2020, but I held back. The investigation into my husband’s brother’s death was still underway, and I didn’t want to add to an already grave situation.
1 year on, and that violent assault on me, is unbelievably, being used against me, as if it was my fault that I got brutally attacked!!! My silence facilitates that being allowed to continue.
Even if I’d been having an argument with the person who assaulted me (which I wasn’t) it would still not have been ok for him to touch me, let alone brutally grab me.
This occurred on 25th July 2020, it was an ambush type assault, in an entirely unprovoked attack.
I’ve never had a conversation with the perpetrator in my life. I didn’t even know he was in the house until 10 seconds before he GRABBED ME, as he blocked the front door exit as I was trying to leave.
He is my sister in laws husband.
I would like to make it clear that my husband’s recently deceased brother was NOT at this meeting, or involved in this attack in anyway.
It occurred at 10:30am on a Saturday morning at his sister’s house, at the end of a 40min family crisis meeting, between my husband Mike, his sister and eldest brother to discuss who would be taking their elderly mother to the hospital for a heart appointment.
Due to the previous abuse that had been directed at me, since on 27th April, when Mikes brother Tim had a mental health crisis, we had been recording all conversations, meetings, and phone calls with the family to protect ourselves.
Therefore, I have the full digital evidence of the scapegoating, bullying and serious verbal abuse, directed at me, and my husband throughout this time and within this meeting.
Mikes sister and eldest brother verbally attacked me for being childless, they then said the meals on wheels I sent to Tim and Mum were “thrown in the bin” they then falsely accused Mike of physically attacking his brother Tim, which he would never do. They goaded him in every way, like children in a playground.
We did not retaliate, we always come in peace, but when I could take no more, I stood up and said I was leaving.
I turned and walked down the stairs to the front door, within 10seconds as I looked up, the man and his son appeared blocking my exit, the man shouted at me and before I could take a breath, he grabbed me violently by the shoulders, lifted me up and literally threw me bodily out of the doorway – I screamed “Mike HELP” and turned to run, before Mike could even get down the stairs, this man had grabbed me from behind, lifted me off the ground and was dragging me down the driveway, while I tried to wrestle free from his clutches.
By this time Mike was down the stairs, he shouted “let her go” the man dropped me.
The son shouted at his Uncle Mike (DJ by profession) – “JUST FUCK OFF AND GO PRESS PLAY”
We RAN to the car…
This all happened in the space of 60 seconds, it’s all on the audio recording..
Many a man I have known would have been drawn into a fight. It’s the natural reaction for any man to step up to protect his wife.
But Mike is a lover, not a fighter. Although he had been enraged like never before, he would never meet violence with violence. He knows it never helps. If he had, he or me could have been hurt far more, we would have put ourselves in further jeopardy, it could have got so much worse.
I now believe this ambush assault was planned for Mike, they kept asking him to go ON HIS OWN…
I thank my lucky stars that getting me away was the foremost thought in his mind. We will always stand by each other’s side, through thick and thin, no-one will ever be allowed to destroy us, or split us apart, no man will put asunder.
As we got in the car, I was hyper ventilating, we drove to the beach at the end of the road, and I realised I’d wet myself in fear.
I’ve been in volatile and violent situations on occasions in my life. What scared me the most was the speed at which it happened, with no warning and my inability to be able to escape or run away, I’d been leaving the house anyway, I didn’t stand a chance.
I should have called 999 immediately, I now regret that I didn’t, but I had been dealing with police since 4th May that year. So instead, I called the direct line of PC Dan Gayle, that had been dealing with the ongoing case. There was no answer, I was in a proper state, in shock and physically hurt and soiled. I just had to get home. We drove the 20mins back to our house.
I was heavily bruised all up my arms, my wrist was sprained, and I was in constant pain for 2wks, I am 5ft 2, he is 6ft5 and massive.
These are some of the pictures we took of the injuries I sustained. We then called 101 to report it.
The next day, Sunday, we walked into Shoreham police station at 11:11am and they took my statement.
The policeman that took it seemed to totally understand, and I felt relieved that it was cut and dried. We were advised to stay away from the family for our own protection and that they were going to bring him in for an interview.
It took another month for them to conduct the interview, around the 29th Aug we received a call from PC Sean Trebble to advise us that the perpetrator had claimed that I had kicked his door and so he had “used reasonable force for lawful ejection” and that due to it occurring on his property that although the police accepted it happened, they did not feel there was enough evidence to get a prosecution.
Sean said “I know this is not what you want to hear”
Sadly, I was not surprised, I had come to realise the battle I was up against, but my frustration was acute, the seriousness of this attack and their failure to deal with the perpetrator and the people whose house the violence was emulating from was frightening.
Me and Mike have been reaching out to the authorities for help since it had all kicked off, and we have been let down every time.
I understand the underfunding, I know that domestic violence 999 calls since the pandemic began are off the chart, I understand that it’s not the policeman on the end of the lines fault.
I had to put up with it… we were left in the dark, we just had to get on with our lives.
We booked a holiday, and went to Corfu.
3 weeks later while in a development zoom meeting for our new Radio website, there was a knock on the door. The policeman who walked in we already knew, PC Dan Gayle, he told us Tim had been found dead on the beach behind his sister’s house.
We are now 14mths later and we still don’t know what happened to Tim and are awaiting the inquest
What makes this worse is that by failing to prosecute the assault on me, validated the perpetrators in violence against a family member, that he could get away with it.
This man’s immediate family have justified that this assault on me was ok, on the basis that the police have not prosecuted.
They don’t realise that the police not taking it further is purely down to the CPS having 1000’s of cases which result in many people like me ending up in the same sad position as I am. Feeling like there is no justice or protection from the law, and that people can and will hurt you, physically and mentally, and nobody will even give them a telling off.
Then worse, the lies, abuse defamation of character, and blame continues to be directed at me, as if it was my fault that I got attacked, the psychological projection and scapegoating to deflect the attention from their own abhorrent actions is obscene.
This is the evidence, you decide…
I speak out to support myself and to remind every woman alive, that NOBODY has the right to lay a finger on you without your permission, let alone man handle you, grab you, throw you about or worse.
Nobody should invade your personal space without your consent.
Those that know me know that I abhor ALL VIOLENCE, I am a hyper-sensitive person.
I had been provoked so many times in the last 19mths but I nor Mike have every retaliated, every time we have been faced with violence, we have only responded by calling the police.
I know what it’s like to feel 100% alone, I have suffered verbal abuse from various men since the age of 10 years old, it’s a harsh world full of often nasty people.
It’s no walk in the park being an independent woman moving in what is still a world run by power crazy men.
But there are many good men out there, I know many, and I have one of them right by my side
I am so grateful that I am not alone and that I have Mike, my friends and many men now in my life that are good, honourable, trustworthy decent men, that stand by side by side in equality for all, in work, pleasure and life.
Not everyone is so lucky…
I am a victim, but I am a warrior too, I refuse point blankly to let anyone ruin my peace of mind.
Many women, many people, in our society have suffered horrendous abuse, the perpetrators, the dominators often get away with it, the victims are left feeling used, abused, worthless, like nobody cares how much they are being hurt and hurting.
I consider myself to be very fortunate that this is the worst violence I have ever experienced. Many women I know, many people I love have experienced far far worse, I am not looking for sympathy, far from it…
People that know me say I am strong, but I am the same as everyone else, I am a human being, we all are. I have travelled many places, seen many things, experienced so much already. and this, is what gives me the strength to know the light and the darkness of life, the difference between right and wrong. This is what makes me stronger every step of the way, and as I move forward, it takes me to another level of understanding on how to overcome, and to empower myself to stand up and be heard.
The greatest weapon I have against adversity is love and truth. We are all sisters and brothers of this world, and good, decent respectful beings, should be supporting each other, so we can come together to stamp out the bad in our communities, to see it, face it, deal with it and OUT IT.
It’s not easy to speak out, you fear further physical and verbal attack, repercussions, re-traumatising, all of these things…
Face that fear and do it anyway I say…
This is my truth, now laid bare, I leave it here, in 2021
2022 is now before us and I’m getting stronger and grateful for every day
Love always wins in the end
Thank you for listening
Written by: SachaIstreem
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